En T'Attendant

2011-12-24T23:06:00.001+08:00

hey sweetheart.

now i know i've said many times that every single moment i spend with you is the best piece of my life i have ever had. and although i know that it may not always be as beautiful and as romantic as i seem to make it out to be, here's one of the many reasons why i love you.

no matter what happens, i can still say every single time we're together is better than the last. it's what keeps me alive in this relationship. it's what keeps me alive. the fact that i know, even though we can be months apart and only weeks or days together, that i'll be the happiest boy around when i'm with you, and that it keeps getting better and better each time. it's hard to put it into logical explanations, but then again, i am the master of cheese aren't i?

i miss you, my love. and i look forward to seeing you soon with a very aching heart.
i wana post some pictures of you, but my computer won't recognize my phone right now, sorry about that. and i love you.

2011-09-10T21:04:00.003+08:00

hello hyona, i dont know how often you check this space out anymore, but here i am blogging from the sunny (shit) island of pulau tekong.

well, i have time to use the laptop now, and since im waiting for you to reply after showering (you're taking an awful long time btw haha), i decided to blog, to drop by and tell you once again how much i love you(:

i cant stop thinking of you dear, right now you're probably choosing an outfit to wear for later (plus your eyebrows just got done wah pretty) i really wish i could see it baby. i love looking at you. i love smelling you, touching you, just being next to you is enough to satisfy me to the very core. but obviously i would get closer than just being beside you(:

thats all i really have to say for now, though. i really miss you. and of course, i love you baby girl!

someday you're gonna be my wife

2011-06-25T00:30:00.000+08:00

barely less than one and a half days til hyona is back with me.

baby.
i cant put it into words i really cant. goodness gracious me. so excited!!!!!

DJ Okawari - Luv Letter

2011-06-23T11:18:00.000+08:00

2011-06-23T09:08:00.001+08:00

i feel so fucking lonely right now.

i miss you really really badly, dear. i have been cooped up in this empty house for almost 2 weeks now, waiting for this weekend to come. i cannot even figure out what this feeling is, that's running through my entire body and making me weak and making me shiver, but i know that i long for you with such a painful ache.

when you're busy, when you're sleeping, it's just me. no one else. just you and me, in my thoughts.

2011-06-23T07:01:00.001+08:00

it's already thursday, my mind is in a hurricane, a serious serious hurricane and i have such a huge flutter in my tummy omgoodness hurry baby hurry back HURRYYYYYY OMFG

2011-06-22T21:01:00.001+08:00

hurry. please.

2011-06-21T05:13:00.000+08:00

just watched flags of our fathers. it was beautiful and i loved how there's another version of the movie which is letters of iwo jima which i caught quite a while back. i really loved that movie.

so beautiful

2011-06-20T22:15:00.001+08:00

i. really. miss. you.

2011-06-20T01:38:00.000+08:00

holy shit it's monday already omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg gaaaaaaahhhhhhh
in roughly 6x24 hours i'll be seeing you baby!! standby cos im gonna kiss you hard X)

2011-06-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

another week. just one more week. excited. so fucking excited.

no smiley can compare to the smile on my face.

2011-06-17T23:53:00.002+08:00

i hope this weekend wont be as lonely as it seems to be. but have fun at camp baby girl.

i miss you so much.

2011-06-17T01:36:00.001+08:00

oh btw gonna download the warriors too! gang wars in the 1970s in nyc, thats gonna be interesting

2011-06-17T01:34:00.001+08:00

been watching alot of historical movies on my desktop ever since i had the whole house to myself/

just downloaded red cliff 1 & 2 so that shit is going to keep me occupied and let this next 11 days fly by like a storm.
hurry my princess, hurry back to me!

2011-06-15T07:05:00.000+08:00

it's been 14 months since we fell in love. and since then, i havent stopped falling deeper in love with you. how can i?

you're such an amazing person. you're someone that makes me feel whole, complete. it's really really hard to put into words, my dear, but you make me feel happy like i never knew i could be happy. i never once imagined feeling this much happiness nor would i have thought it possible.

we've been through some of the toughest times in our lives, and we might be facing some even tougher ones. but just know that my hand will always be there for you to grab onto when you feel like no one's there for you. there isnt a second in a day where my heart isnt going out to you, or when im not thinking about you.

i love you, hyona nugroho. in every sense of the word.

2011-06-15T00:55:00.000+08:00

and i'd
give it all away, just to have somewhere to go to
give it all away, just to have you to come home to

2011-06-14T23:53:00.002+08:00

hello! in a few days time it will be only a week til you get back. and now the withdrawal symptoms are rising higher than ever before.

must tahan. HURRY BABY HURRY

2011-06-14T07:06:00.002+08:00

we're almost there baby. almost there. we're so close i cant think straight i keep thinking of hugging you and thats all i really want and need right now. your body really close to mine.

i love you i miss you

2011-06-14T03:12:00.000+08:00

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i completely lost track of the days and forgot to blog shit i am dead meat

2011-06-11T22:56:00.000+08:00

was thinking of saving up and buying the whole great ideas collection but it turns out there are currently 5 series of 20 books each hahahah maybe i should buy them series by series after finishing each

2011-06-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

borrowed a penguin great ideas book from faz and i started reading it today.

"there is but one truly serious philosophical problem and that is suicide"
-the myth of sisyphus; albert camus

it's really really interesting. and i have a feeling i'm going to read something that will open up my mind even more in this book. the value of life in a world without religious meaning, that is a subject that i have recently been very fascinated with, how people rely on such things, and how some people scoff at it.

i am going to enjoy reading this.

2011-06-11T02:18:00.001+08:00

This is my story, this is my story
Of how I have fears, how I have fears
And I am weak man, biding my days
I search for things that I know don't exist

And I'm left with this

This is my story, this is my story
Of how I have dreams, how I have dreams
And all of my dreams, they came true
My dreams came true when I first met you

And I love you
And I need you
You're the light that shines upon my feet

2011-06-10T15:08:00.001+08:00

realized i havent read my star wars comics in like a month or so.

man, time flies.

2011-06-10T06:29:00.004+08:00

2011-06-10T06:21:00.000+08:00

Hey lovely

You're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will not stop loving you till the day I stop breathing. See you in 16 days my love x

Love,
hyona

2011-06-10T06:08:00.003+08:00

2011-06-10T00:34:00.003+08:00

btw i really love this picture

2011-06-10T00:28:00.000+08:00

in other news, i havent had the time to go to the library lately, and now that i'm rereading the emperor's general, i dont need to at the moment. haha. i still stand by my opinion that penguin paperbacks are the most comfortable books that i have ever held up to read, its like so comfortable you dont want to stop reading because of how comfortable it is okbye

2011-06-10T00:26:00.003+08:00

i need to clean up my macbook soon, and i dont mean my hard disk. i mean my macbook is crummy and sticky from all the stickers that are deteriorating YUCK.

gonna remove most of them and probably wipe my mac down so that i can at least feel like i have a somewhat new macbook hahah speaking of which osx lion is out and it makes me want a brand new macbook pro, but i'll just wait. wonder what comes after lion though. sabre tooth tiger sua hahaha hi hyona im talking cock, i miss you i miss you only 16 more days muahahah

2011-06-09T01:53:00.001+08:00

okay work today was really quite boring, since i have somewhat finished my part of the global chef project and completed making all the requested changes i dont really have anything to do until the next phase of the project (if the clients remember that crap)

im really hungry right now i think i shall make some pancakes btw hyona. i really miss you.

2011-06-08T02:50:00.000+08:00

Blogging from by blackberry to just say I love you, hyona.

I hope I dream of you later.

2011-06-07T02:00:00.001+08:00

just finished watching kingdom of heaven. i think it's a beautiful movie, and one of great interest to me. i have always been interested in the great crusades, and i have read lore and literature concerning the subject when i was younger, pity i forgot all the titles of the works i have read...

actually i have alot more to say about the meanings behind the film, but i cant sort my thoughts into a proper line right now. shall just ponder about it.

2011-06-07T01:58:00.002+08:00

i am so flawed. so weak, so clumsy.

i need to put in more effort into myself. i cannot allow myself to continue on as such, i know i can be more than what i am. i know i can be better. i will be better. i have to be.

i love you, hyona. i am so sorry for what i have done to you the past week, and i am beyond thankful for your forgiveness. now i just need to prove myself so i can earn back your trust and make myself worthy of your love.

2011-06-04T06:19:00.003+08:00

how am i ever supposed to properly convey how happy you make me? i can always find something to try and translate it, perhaps a cute comparison or analogy or something like that, but seriously nothing really ever comes close to how happy you make me. to how much i love you. and to how terribly im missing you right now.

22/23 more days to you being back in my arms. my arms grow cold already baby they need your warmth!!! my lips are dry they need your soft wet lips omfg your soft lips save meeeeeee

iloveyou

2011-06-02T07:01:00.000+08:00

hello you, my little ray of sunshine.

i love you. i love you so much.

2011-05-31T22:35:00.002+08:00

i am so happy right now. my letters and chocolates finally reached the love of my life, that being you, my dear Hyona(:

i'm so glad you kissed my lips on the paper that i kissed. nyah omg ok not typing sense cos my chest is bursting. just dropping by to exclaim I LOVE YOU BABY :D

2011-05-30T02:17:00.001+08:00

GAH I MISS YOU.

its going to be the first of june soon. we're less than 30 days from seeing each other! <30 so thats like an angelic heart, or something hahahah i miss youuuuuuuu

2011-05-29T06:04:00.002+08:00

i miss your touch.
i miss it so much i cant stop thinking about your hands on each and every part of your body, your hair on my neck when we embrace, your lips on mine, your breath on my neck, your legs wrapped around mine, your eyebrows brushing against my nose when i kiss your eyes

2011-05-27T20:07:00.003+08:00

i've always wanted to start biking again, i've always enjoyed the feeling of having the wind in your face, to be able to ride at high speeds and hear everything rush past your ears, being able to travel so fast and exercise at the same time whilst "sitting down". it's a very awesome feeling.

but i think i want to ride now more than ever because of the nature of my job, which involves me sitting in front of a monitor for more than 10 hours everyday. actually, i have considered editing as a career in year 2, after talking to chris trexler about my future and all that, but now that i'm doing it for real and getting paid for it, naaaah editing really isnt my forte nor my cup of tea. makes me miss directing so much.

i also want a bike very badly, so if ever when you're back in SG and i miss you too much (100% going to happen), i can take my bike, enjoy a really fast ride on the long empty roads down to your place in thomson, and hang out with you under your house, perhaps a swim or yknw... some other activity (eyebrows), and then ride back when you have to go up to sleep.

i miss you hyona. right now at this moment i miss your sweet soft warm cheek kisses most of all. i miss the tingle that goes down my entire back when you do that.

2011-05-27T15:50:00.001+08:00

2011-05-27T00:35:00.003+08:00

the fallacy of living by social and educational standards in this modern world is starting to get to me more and more. as time progresses and i slog on and on, i begin to see the flaws in the fallible institution which is the education system (and national service, in my case). reading up on philosophy and such has made me realize that although education is a necessity in every single individual's process of growing up, it also has one huge setback. that even if the individual himself may have matured to a point of being able to formulate and make choices for his or her own life, benefits and consequences included, it is the institution of education that holds them back because in this modern world, one's worth is marked by how far he progresses in the terms laid out by mentioned institution.

why am i saying all this? because i am this close to breaking out of the norm and making the one decision to live my life my own way. i am a hair's length away from leaving it all behind to pursue that which i truly desire. sure, the road may be hard and i will be looked down upon, but has life's journey ever been easy? basically, all i want to do is gather up what little i have, fly over to where you are, and just stay. after all, that is what my heart desires, and my mind sees nothing wrong with doing that.

2011-05-26T05:45:00.002+08:00

being in love with you has exposed me to so many levels of happiness and longing i never ever imagined possible.
my capacity for happiness just keeps going up and up and up and up (exploding soon)

i want to give you the whole world, i want to create a universe just for you, name stars after you, build ships in your honor, and burn down kingdoms in your name. basically i want to give you my entire life. i love you so much. so fucking much. SO FUCKING MUCH. I LOVE YOU. YOU KNOW? I LOVE YOU WAAAAAHHHH

2011-05-24T23:46:00.002+08:00

got my diploma today. didnt really feel good about it, what with listening about all those gold medal students, about how good they are and everything. i should have done better.

i cant' wait for the next chapter, now that this one is done. i cant wait to prove to myself and to everyone else, that i am not the bum i was in poly. slacked enough, now its time to grab the world.

btw i miss you, hyona. i am so thankful for how we are right now. even though you may be countless miles away, i feel so close to you. its quite the feeling.

LOVE YOU!!

2011-05-24T07:28:00.000+08:00

this is what true love is. this is what true love is about. it's beautiful.

2011-05-24T04:52:00.002+08:00

i wish i could give you a high 5 and a hug after every paper you come out of.
and i want to give you shoulder rubs everytime you're mugging hard, i want to watch you, yet try not to distract you.

i miss you so much. i think we made the saying "always on my mind" into a vague ambiguous understatement.

2011-05-23T15:30:00.000+08:00

ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR ENGLISH PAPER HONEY!

IM BEHIND YOU(:

2011-05-23T13:51:00.003+08:00

been at the office since 9ish. manage to catch at least an hour's worth of sleep while waiting for my tapes to finish capturing, had lunch and then had a client come down suddenly to request for more changes to another completed video, so thats an hour gone redoing and reburning and reprinting dvds for him.

well, the time is almost 2, that leaves me with... another 8ish hours to have a rough cut done for the global chef trailer. can can can.

i get through the day and my huge workload by thinking about you all the time, hyona. i really really miss you, and i could use a hug around my shoulders while i work. that would be so nice.

2011-05-22T11:54:00.002+08:00

my heart longs and aches for you. in a way i never thought possible. i have never felt so much longing, so much need.
i need to see you, hyona. and with each day that passes when i go to sleep and when i wake up, i take great comfort in the fact that in just a few weeks, i can embrace you with everything in me.

i love you, and even now as i say that, i still believe those 3 words are a weak representation of how much i feel for you. i LOVE you, nope. I LOVE YOU, no, still not enough. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, getting there, but still impossibly far.

i love you, my dear. so so much.

2011-05-22T07:22:00.001+08:00

my princess is lovely.

omg. looking at this picture creates a huge urge to hug you baby. the way you tilt your head like OMFG NAKRAJSHRLBJJBFBFCHUUUUU

i love you.

2011-05-21T05:05:00.000+08:00

the urge to break myself upon the wall has never been stronger. but i will resist, because i promised.

2011-05-20T20:35:00.002+08:00

today has been quite a hectic day. missed lunch because i was rushing from school (still hate that place)

well, im still in the office, making changes to projects i thought done, but oh well, i guess this is how it is in the industry. starting tomorrow i gotta head down to sim lim to get a new 2tb hard drive to edit on, because my station has only 3gb left and i need to start work on global chef (stoked).

yeah, baby, work is going fine and i'm just happy because i can use my time to work so i can have money to spend with you (not to mention beef up my cv too!). i'm finally doing something productive and that makes me happy.

i miss you sweetheart. just hold on a little longer, then you wont be buried in notes for your exam anymore and when that happens guess what! only a few more days and you'll be in my arms again.

i cant fucking wait.

2011-05-20T07:21:00.002+08:00

fuck. its happening again. and i have a fucking shitty fucking fucked up day in front of me. and this is happening again.

you know, it fucking hurts when you tweet "i hate our r/s". when you fucking tweet it.

2011-05-20T07:14:00.000+08:00

oh no... oh nononononono. please.

2011-05-20T06:29:00.001+08:00

i miss you hyona. i fucking miss you like crazy, so so terribly. i need to hold you.

2011-05-19T13:08:00.004+08:00

worried worried worried, i srsly hope you're having a good sleep and recovering while you're at it, love.
it breaks my heart to know you're suffering so much and still trying so hard. you deserve a medal(: (the good grades that you're gonna get is a given!)
i really wish i had an infinite pool of money and a private jet to fly to shrewsbury to take a nice wet cloth and drape it over your forehead. and kiss your forehead. and carry you around if you get too tired from walking.
gonna work fucking hard as hell. so that one day i would be able to(:

i love you hyona!
-
really hectic load of work today. rushed down to ud earlier for client, burned dvds printed dvds waited for dvds to burn and print, paced my work space knowing that i have a pile waiting for me after im done with this guy. so i wrapped all that shit up and now im setting up for my next project and apparently at 4 i have 3 more projects to view. deadline for the one im getting ready to do is tomorrow, 2pm. hectichectichectic but whatever i can kill this.

btw im fkin hungry alr die die die no time to eat either ah hahahahha

hi hyona i fucking miss you so much i'm thinking about that scene in "small pleasures" (the waking up beside the love of your life) and i long for it so much and i will work as hard as my body allows me to be in a place where i can have that whenever i want.

did i mention how much i fucking love you? no i didnt, because its impossible to measure. i love you.

2011-05-19T05:38:00.001+08:00

inspired to make shorts and/or features that inspire the way those films i love have inspired me.

2011-05-18T12:56:00.003+08:00

i'm not sure what to do today at work. basically i have a new project to start on today, and umm.... yeah, thats it. UMM.

so it's another DSTA corporate video, the sad shit i've been working on since day 1, i've completed about 4 of their videos already. the only exception being the one video im cutting on dave the butcher, yeah thats pretty cool watching him slice beef and pork up.
as i was saying, this current one that i'm doing is pure balls. like, i'm given 3 dvds, of which 2 consists of nothing but fucked up grainy noisy pictures of army camps from the 70s-80s, and i'm given a "storyboard" with a few slides of random pictures. no direction, no guiding lines, no script. storyboard my ass.

helmi left for shoot outside, so im pretty much bummed for today. i'm just going to put some photos together and then claim i have no idea what the fuck i am doing and demand for a script to cut to. good plan, after that i can continue reading my latest borrowed book. im about 2 pages in right now and it's been good so far. already lifted a pretentious existentialist quote off it.

ok enough for now.

ps; hyona i seriously hope you're sleeping well right now. i can't stop worrying about you. trying to distract myself and assure myself that everything's alright and you're sleeping nice and sound but WORRY WORRY WORRY and i really fucking miss you :'( okgottatryanddosomeworknowbaby i love you

2011-05-18T12:42:00.002+08:00

You can't experience being alive without realizing that you have to die, she thought. But it's just as impossible to realize you have to die without thinking how incredibly amazing it is to be alive.

-sophie's world; jostein gaardner

2011-05-18T07:11:00.001+08:00

i have never been so fucking worried in my life.

please, be okay soon.

2011-05-18T06:58:00.003+08:00

my mind is plagued with thoughts of losing you.

not the way i have lost you before, no, not like that. that was pure hurt and regret and everything else. this is more along the lines of fear and panic and confusion and helplessness.
what would i do if i lose you? what will my life be like if you are gone?

2011-05-18T01:05:00.000+08:00

i miss my baby girl so much.

hi hyona, hopefully you'll be able to find the time to call me soon cos i really really want to hear your voice and be able to talk to you(:
imysm!

2011-05-16T12:38:00.004+08:00

i spy with my little eye; a haruki novel sitting on the shelves in the office. i intend to nip it away secretly and finish it because i'm at the last few pages of tariq ali's "fear of mirrors" which i must say is a very good read. contains a huge load of russian poetry; from the likes of alexander pushkin. you should read this book hyona, it offers a hell lot of inside accounts on the workings of fascism and communism and stalin's oppressive rule and how he gets rid of all his enemies and such.

perhaps when you get back in june i will borrow it again for you to read when you leave for your holiday? i miss you.

speaking of books i guess if i manage to quietly sneak the haruki novel away i have to return the ones i have currently and borrow a few more, good thing i have a library only about 15 minutes from my home.

i miss you, by the way.

2011-05-16T12:34:00.002+08:00

i have outlasted all desire,
my dreams and i have grown apart;
my grief alone is left entire,
the gleanings of an empty heart.
the storms of ruthless dispensation
have struck my flowery garland numb-
i live in lonely desolation
and wonder when my end will come

-alexander pushkin

2011-05-16T09:03:00.002+08:00

munching on a tuna sandwich, and sipping on coffee. sleepy and groggy but it'll do. lucky tomorrow is a public holiday, so i'll be able to sleep in.

i've been sleeping with airconditioning the past few nights, just because the weather has become unbearably stuffy and hot.

i hope you're sleeping well honey. and i hope you wake up feeling better. i wish i knew how to motivate you or magic away your fears, but i guess we're all human after all.
nevertheless i am standing firmly here for you.

i love you.

2011-05-15T09:12:00.001+08:00

13 months already. time really flies doesn't it actually.

i hope you like the chocolate and the letters i sent you(: i'm still going to send somemore stuff but i gotta find a way to send it first.
wah wah hyona i love you(: MWAH

2011-05-15T06:00:00.002+08:00

i guess blogging daily (within the time span of 24 hours) does not please my love enough.

no matter, i will now blog multiple times in a day. yes.

2011-05-15T05:54:00.001+08:00

you love punishing me is it. HUH HUH HUH HUH

btw hi baby(:

ooh look! guess what! i blogged! WOOHOOO NYAHAHHAHAHAHA

2011-05-14T06:34:00.002+08:00

hello my love(:

so, i've had my first 2 and a half weeks of work, and i must say im really quite pleased with how everything is right now. i go to work, do whatever i have to do, go back, sleep for a bit, then get up and talk to you, the love of my life(: i absolutely love how fast time passes when i'm at work, its like i go there at 11 and suddenly im done with lunch and its 2 and i'm saying goodmorning to you already and then waddup its 7 and im finishing up! gah the days are bringing you back to me faster and faster. i cant contain my excitement baby. i am SO EXCITED.

btw i love you. so. fucking. much.

2011-05-11T14:49:00.000+08:00

i just had to, you look so adorable here! : )

i love you.

2011-05-11T00:03:00.001+08:00

please.

2011-05-10T23:55:00.001+08:00

losing you bit by bit.

losing myself bit by bit. i can feel it. i can feel my sanity slipping away. i wonder how long more, before i end up doing something extremely stupid?

2011-05-10T23:44:00.001+08:00

wow i seriously feel fucked up.

2011-05-10T14:47:00.002+08:00

"it scares me to think that you could find takers other than me, and better than me. but your head is elsewhere, and i'm talking enough for both us. when will you see that it's not so easy for me?"

2011-05-10T11:35:00.001+08:00

a sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion

2011-05-10T11:27:00.001+08:00

"i never thought that you could say these words, is this really happening?"
(don't say that we can be friends)

2011-05-10T11:11:00.001+08:00

reached the office. opened my laptop and it was 11:11

each and every minute that passes by i die a little more inside.

2011-05-09T17:15:00.001+08:00

i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you. i fucking miss you.

help.

2011-05-09T17:08:00.001+08:00

fuck you larris. dont you dare give up now.

2011-05-09T16:57:00.003+08:00

if i'm not even worthy enough to be able to keep you who i treasure so much, whats the point of trying anything then? whats the point of living?

you, who i placed far more importance above myself and everything else in my life, even that i couldnt keep.
even that i manage to fuck up. even that i manage to let slip right through my fingers.

i keep talking about accepting facts about yourself. maybe its time i accept my own. i am not worthy of happiness.

2011-05-09T06:37:00.001+08:00

I wish I could just get it right.

2011-05-08T19:32:00.001+08:00

i truly hate myself.

i am such a failure.

2011-05-08T09:15:00.001+08:00

when you surround yourself with lies, the truth becomes dust.

2011-05-08T09:10:00.002+08:00

i think you just went to sleep. halfway during our conversation.

i am so fucking lost now.

long grass

2011-05-08T08:03:00.001+08:00

the grass has grown tall
it’s covered my footprints
the safe rope is breaking
and i won’t find my way back to you.

the wilderness closes in quietly
and I’m alone with hungry lions
but it’s enough to know you’ll come looking.

2011-05-08T06:16:00.003+08:00

i sit on my bed, and i try to picture in my mind what my life would be like without you.

i dont see anything. but i fucking feel it. pain so harsh that it's hard to breathe.

and the pain goes on. and on. tied in together with intense longing. self-loathing. hate.
the thought is so fucking painful, that it brings tears to my eyes.
i can't stop crying now. the tears won't stop. and they have no reason to stop.

my heart lives for you. my heart needs you, and if it doesnt have you, it wont really be heart. just an open bleeding wound that will never heal, until you take it back and put it back together.

2011-05-08T06:08:00.003+08:00

maybe i just dont deserve happiness. i find the one person who makes me the happiest i have ever been but yet...

i believe happiness is worth fighting for, worth dying for. and i have found that happiness. and i will keep fighting for it. i will keep
fighting for you. the only way you can stop me from fighting for you is if you kill me.

so if you want me to stop loving you, you best take a gun and put it to my head and pull the fucking trigger. cos thats the only way you are ever going to stop me from loving you.

you want me to stop suffering? then either let me love you or just kill me.

2011-05-08T06:05:00.001+08:00

what the fuck is happening

2011-05-07T23:36:00.001+08:00

faith, hope and trust.

2011-05-07T06:29:00.001+08:00

when you lose someone's trust, getting it back is the hardest thing

2011-05-07T05:56:00.000+08:00

up to down, deep to shallow
something to nothing, high to low

ah fuck what am i talking about.
i feel like absolute fucking shit.

2011-05-05T07:53:00.001+08:00

2011-05-04T07:27:00.001+08:00

first day of work!

2011-05-03T23:00:00.003+08:00

today is a really good day.

finally managed to get myself a job.
got loads of exciting things to look forward to during the holidays.
finally borrowed the catcher in the rye and discovered it IS as good as i made it out to be.

these 2 months before you come back are going to be fruitful, but not as fruitful as when we are together. we're going to take over the world heehee

i miss you baby. cant wait for everything with you!

2011-05-02T07:15:00.000+08:00

2011-04-30T08:10:00.001+08:00

i go to sleep tonight (morning), and every other night, with a huge smile on my face. because knowing you are in my heart and i in yours, is enough to make my heart skip.

goodnight and i love you.

2011-04-30T04:59:00.001+08:00

But it's a good excuse, put our love to use
Baby, I know what to do
Baby, I will love you
I'll love you, I'll love you

2011-04-27T04:57:00.001+08:00

hello my dearest muffin.

here i am, just saying this.
i miss you so much. every single thought on my mind revolves around you and everything i see has your smile in it.

i love you!

2011-04-04T06:18:00.000+08:00

i love hyona. i love you so much.

cinema staff「GATE」PV

2011-04-04T06:17:00.000+08:00

2011-04-03T00:52:00.002+08:00

i've lost track of the time. of how many hours i have spent just lying down in my dark bedroom staring straight up at my ceiling. sleep eludes me, just like how everything else seems to be.